Dear Sandwich Mom,
Please accept my letter of resignation as of the date noted above. Although I have enjoyed working for you over the past several years, I feel as though my services have recently been overused and under-appreciated. As you know, I came to your employment several years ago after your “crazed bougainvillea trimming frenzy” that injured your lower back. We enjoyed mutual care and respect in those early days and I was proud that I could participate in your recovery.
I know you are a busy gal; caring for your family and your mom and all but, there has been a change recently that I think you should be aware of. Specifically I am referring to my non-stop usage from your Kidlet 2 also known as “the boy child”. Are you aware that over the past two weeks I have been called upon to provide multiple aid tasks for the boy child? These missions include:
- Swelling control when a sharply kicked soccer ball was hammered into his eye;
- Relaxing migraine headache due to virus;
- Black and blue “be-gone” when heel was injured kicking a goal in soccer;
- Soothing a torn-up elbow;
- Pain reducer for thumb and nail which were bent backwards catching a football in P.E.;
- And the grand finale; nursing a golf ball sized bump on the back of his head which he got when he fainted from the above thumb injury!
Whatever happened to the good old frozen pea package or ice cube therapies? The pressure I am under is unbearable with your active boy child. I am not only unable to cool myself in between injuries but I have also been tossed into the freezer (instead of the fridge) causing my cool pillows of softness to be frozen solid like a cement board. How can my gel soothe anyone’s pain when it is stick-straight?
I am not quite ready for retirement so, I will look for a new opportunity in a home full of doll playing, dress-up wearing, and tea party planning, quiet girls!
Chiro-Ice Cold Pak