I guess it is the circle of life. I am caring for my mom just as she watched over her mother. I remember when I was in college, mom was having a difficult time with my grandma because grammy did not want to give up her car or her independence. The truth of the matter was that there were several signs that driving was no longer a safe activity for her.
Mom tried her hardest to treat the situation with care and dignity. One day Grandma went on a little trip to the store and came back on the arms of the local Sheriff! Grandma became disoriented and drove into a small ditch because she did not know how to get home. The issue kept escalating until Mom had to hide Grandma’s car keys. It was not a good scene.
I am extremely grateful that I am not dealing with the driving issue with my mom. She had cataract surgery about 9 years ago and voluntarily gave up her driving privilege because she did not feel comfortable behind the wheel. With that said, I know how extremely delicate this subject is for many folks caring for their parents and unfortunately there is no easy answer.
Wow! Great post, Paula! You bring up a serious issue and do not even give us any guidance. Not to worry friends. Here are some tips on identifying and discussing the driving issue with your elder:
Check for signs. Keep your eyes open to see if your parent’s driving capabilities may be diminishing such as:
- Slow reaction times
- Confusion about directions
- Parking far away from the curb
- Dings or dents in the car
- Drowsiness caused by medications
- Frequent tickets
- Vision impairment
- Getting lost while driving
Take it slow. By insisting that your parent is too old to drive or yanking the keys away, you may be starting the fuse to a “control issue” blow up. Talk to your senior about the possibility of brushing up on some safety tips like:
- No cell phone use during driving.
- Keeping their car maintained properly.
- “No Radio” rules to keep distractions at bay.
- Seat belt guidelines.
Consider calling in some troops. Since many elderly people associate driving with freedom, they may be reluctant to give up their license.
- Suggest a driving assessment. The AAA Foundation has fantastic resource material including a self-rating test for driving.
- Purchase and train your parent on a GPS system.
- Consider drivers education classes for the elderly. Contact your local AAA Foundation or AAASeniors.com for Mature Operator Courses near you.
- Take the Roadwise Review online to measure physical and mental abilities.
Offer alternatives. There are other options to research and consider about parent transportation:
- Hire a responsible teen or young adult for some outings.
- Check with your nearby senior center. Many have very low cost fees for local driving trips.
- Coordinate with other family members to take your senior out and about.
Have you had this conversation with your parent(s)? How did it go?
Wow, what a great and informative article. Service pieces just like these are in huge demand at Yahoo! Contributor Network, you might want to consider joining! But back to your article, I passed it along to a friend who is dealing with the exact same issue with her father, thanks so much for sharing this.
Thanks so much Lori for the kind words and for passing the article along. I am not familiar with the YCN so I will take your advice and check it out! Thanks again!
Paula recently posted..Don’t Take The Car!
I remember when my parents went through this with my dad’s dad. He did not go down without a fight. Whereas my mom has an uncle who happily relinquished when he got too old.
It can be so hard to reach a point where you know you aren’t capable of driving anymore.
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Yep, Liz – it is a link of independence that is hard to break! I am thankful the transition for my mom was and easy one!
Paula recently posted..Don’t Take The Car!
Oh my grandma is still pissed off at us for taking the keys away! But it was so necessary. It’s a really hard decision to make. It certainly makes her much less independent.
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
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Yeah it does. Both of my folks got around the lack of car by occasionally using Dial-a-Ride services which were either low or no cost options. That way for a while they could go wherever they wanted.
Paula recently posted..Surviving Those Long Summer Car Trips
This is such an informative and thoughtful post! I am not hear yet with my parents, but I remember when things got dicey with my grandfather. He was in his late 80′s and hit a bicyclist (who luckily was not seriously injured but did decide to sue my grandfather, and it was just a stressful scene). I also remember riding in the backseat after a family dinner when my great-grandfather was at the wheel (he was probably about 85) (and he had Parkinson’s). My parents were terrified but nobody said anything. Talk about a delicate situation.
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Oh my goodness Heather! That is awful! Maybe those two situations will make it easier for your folks to give up the keys when they are at that stage. Good luck!!
Paula recently posted..Surviving Those Long Summer Car Trips
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This is a very delicate subject in our family. My dad had to give up driving and my mom does it all now. She has NEVER been a good driver, and as a recovering stroke victim, her judgements are somewhat limited. Orignally, we took her everywhere. As she recovered, we let her go only close places (the mall and church). We had a conversation about not going across town or out frequently. A year later, she has forgotten ALL the rules. She thinks she needs to go out EVERY day. She does pretty well unless she’s in unfamiliar territory – that’s a bit scary for my dad. I don’t know what to do. She is a strong willed one and I feel like her recovery is largely due to her regained freedom. I hate becoming the parent!
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