Beware of the Burnout Monster!

Yesterday I posted some information about caregiver burnout. This issue is close to my heart because I have been a Sandwich Generation caregiver for ten years and have been subject to bouts of burnout on many occasions.

Today, for Pour Your Heart Out (at Things I Can’t Say) I decided to share with you a particular struggle I endured with the above mentioned burnout monster. I have told you before that my journey in caregiving began when my youngest was only three years old. I was certainly caught off guard because in my mind, folks who cared for their parents were empty nesters or had older children who could handle some of their own responsibilities.

When my new sandwich gig started, I thought I was a little ahead of the game because I was younger and had strong organizational skills. With those two assets, my plan was to conquer this task with energy and tons of handy lists. Easy peasy!

Let me tell you a little secret about burnout. It sneaks up on you like a thief and robs you of your common sense, rational thought processes and dignity. With that said, I am going to share with you a situation that occurred that I am not proud of because it is completely OUT OF CHARACTER for me. In fact, when I shared the details with my friends and loved ones they were completely shocked.  

After my Dad completed his chemotherapy and radiation for throat cancer, he was unable to live on his own and we had to find a facility to care for him. We found a nice center and Dad was actually okay with his new home because he enjoyed his patio time, made some friends and became obsessed with bingo tournaments. The facility was small and had a large parking area in the back. The problem was there was only one way out of that lot, through a narrow EXIT ONLY driveway. At the exit of the driveway were several signs that designated the ONE WAY direction.

Here is where my meltdown occurred. I spent a little longer time than usual with Dad that day; chatting about his activities, coordinating instructions with nurses and making sure his clothes were clean. Since I was running a little late, I called Hubby to see if he could pick up our son from preschool. Even before the “no cell phone while driving” law kicked in, my personal guideline was to avoid phone use in the car because my life was so chaotic, I did not want to add more distraction. I decided to stop at the end of the ONE WAY, EXIT ONLY driveway and call Hubby from there.

As I was completing the call, an older man in a land-cruiser type car stopped in front of me and had his turn signal on, letting me know he wanted to turn into the ONE WAY, EXIT ONLY driveway. I shook my head and pointed to the signs. He honked several times, waived his arms and then made a gesture about me being on the cell phone. That is when I lost it. I exited the driveway, parked my car on the street and marched into the convalescent center to locate that rude dude!

He was in the lobby when I walked in and in a not so nice tone, I screamed at him informed him that he was trying to enter and EXIT ONLY driveway and that I did not appreciate his cell phone gesture and blah, blah, blah…the rest is all a haze. When I got back into my car after the tirade was over, I drove around the corner, parked and sobbed for a half hour. I was crying for a variety of reasons; completely overwhelmed at my Dad’s situation, HORRIFIED that I hollered at someone and devastated that I was not able to handle all of the burdens on my shoulders.

The point of this story is this. That guy did not do anything that deserved the type of tongue-lashing that he received. He was an innocent victim who was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Any other time, I would have chalked his actions up to just being rude and gone on about my day. Because I was in over my head with responsibilities, I cracked and he was there to absorb it.

To this day, I tear up when I think of how I responded to the pressure and am trying my hardest to use that situation as well as ten years of other mistakes experiences to help other moms who for whatever reason are overwhelmed, stressed out and ready to burnout. So, take good care of yourselves Mamas; the burnout monster could strike at any time!